Dog Face and the Cadillac Pimp - April 2010

Interesting neighbours are what life is all about. I have lived beside them all, trust me. Over the years I have narrowed down a few of the most spectacular like Dog Face and The Cadillac Pimp. So there I am, in grade 6, living in Calgary with my Mom and Step-dad and attending Sacred Heart Elementary School. My new and albeit temporary last name back then was Mollenhauer, which was pretty much forced on me during a long and strange custody battle happening at the time. Twisted Sister, Herbie Hancock, calculator watches, break-dancing and arcades were popular culture. Mom worked late almost every night at the flower shop she was running, and Burt (Mollenhauer my Step-dad), was usually busy with his home-work or attending pressing social obligations. So I had an abundance of adult-free hang time, most of which was spent with my next door buddy Mike Wood (a.k.a. Stroh). He was a few years younger than I, but he was older than his years. Much older. Much wiser. AND, he had acquired a very impressive Transformer collection. We hung out almost every night.

Mike and I had the same interests and shared an obsession with Ninja movies (although it was hard to find new releases since we went the shitty Beta max route). We went so far as to actually roam the Scarborough streets at night in full costume. Yes, we had ninja costumes. We named ourselves the "Eagle Clan". We bought our stuff from a karate store over in Chinatown. I faithfully wore mine almost every day with my wooden Katana as my trusty companion. Mike's Mom wasn't around much either, its tough being a single Mom holding down multiple jobs. We had the dubious freedom of Huckleberry Fin-ing our evenings away. You know, just a couple of elementary school kids sneaking around a downtown neighborhood in masks and hiding in trees. Of course we didn't even think about legal implications. We were kid ninjas, and our only code was act as true Ninja and become invisible. That actually worked for us, we were too young to know better and as invincible ninjas we felt primed for any danger we might face.

Mike had been doing impressive Ninja recon work on his own, sometimes even before school. He had taken to the trees since we could sit in them spying on the neighbourhood goings on. I welcomed the lifestyle immediately and together, Mike and I turned our extra-curricular activities into an art form. We were competitive too. Chad, another wise-beyond-his-years friend of ours, would come down from Olds and fit right in as the third Ninja. He secured his position by showing up with very creative gear such as homemade climbing claws, grappling hooks, and shirkins. But Mike and I had the daily birds-eye view of our local and varied micro-culture. Bangers, business people, church goers, dealers, pimps, gangs, hookers, motorheads, and of course some nice, normal, everyday people all fell under our observant gaze.

Let's get to our discovery of "Dog Face" and his crew. This crazy character lived across the street from our condo building in a bungalow. It was a bit run down and, at first glance, seemed unassuming to the naked eye. But to a trained Ninja, we realized the patches Dog Face proudly wore were congruent with a prominent motor cycle gang. A big gang, and the unassuming bungalow was really a club house run by Dog Face himself. Directly across the street from us! We passed by it every day as we walked to school, and spied on it every night we could. We'd spy on the front of the house from a tree, and we'd also spy from the back alley, we were very thorough. Now Dog Face wasn't this biker's real name. You see, Mike had a fantastic imagination and the nick name was born because the view from our tree into Dog Face's clubhouse clearly displayed a familiar art piece, popular in the day. You know it- the velvet "Dogs Playing Poker" painting. Might have been an original.

You can understand how Dog Face and his crew became somewhat of an obsession for ninjas like us. I liked to see him handling his business. Surprisingly, their going's on seemed very corporate and efficient. Life imitated art when Dog Face and his crew would sit at their table, looking just like the Dogs in the painting. Sometimes friends (or "business associates") from out of town would be featured. Being in that tree on a Friday or Saturday night, witnessing the inner world of a private biker club and their privileges was very... educational. I will leave it to your capable imagination, but rest assured I learned very interesting things about the local economy in the early 80's. It was truly something to behold. Old Dog Face almost caught us, just once, but I think he might have sensed us occasionally, which made our observations that much more exciting, let me tell you. Eventually we moved on, but Dog Face has a special place in our history and can never be forgotten.

Another fascinating (and equally questionable both legally and ethically) neighbour had a real impact on my young life a the time. Pimping apparently ain't easy... but the "Cadillac Pimp" that lived 2 doors down from us had a gleaming, green caddy that lit up the whole parkade. This was no normal car. It was a testament to big pimpin', all customed-out. It was that magnificent vehicle that brought me and Cadillac Pimp together, we started talking about his car. And we became unlikely friends right away.

Since I was on my own a lot, I was super stoked to have another friend in the condo, especially one with so much steeze. It's important to explain that I didn't really understand the concept of pimpin' yet. I mean I was in elementary school! So, to my young delight, I started seeing these "pretty ladies" waiting around in our second floor lobby. Always they waited, in that lobby chair, overlooking the street until a cab would arrive for them. Every night of the damn week this went on, with a lot of different ladies always coming and going from his crib. My Ninja skills also had me coming and going from our 'crib' most evenings, you know to top up on Ninja supplies (juice boxes and pizza slices from the fridge). Being the gentleman my Mom raised me to be, I would stop and talk to the friendly ones. I had no idea what was really going on, but it seemed pretty awesome to me and I was eager to hang out with C.P.

Finally the Saturday came when I was to go over to Cadillac Pimp's crib to listen to his records! I was so excited and ready to impress. I banged on the door and not surprisingly, a lady answered. She had just gotten out of the shower and was wearing a towel on her head and had a short kimono on (very short). My nerdy little face must have turned 8 shades of red. She kindly greeted me and escorted me into the living room. The Cadillac Pimp was on the phone. He smiled and motioned for me to sit down and relax.

Now I need to set the scene a little here because this was no regular crib. It was so 80's fresh it blew my little elementary school mind. There were large sculptures of a gloss black panthers, carved ivory tusks, African masks, and, of course, naked lady art. His couches were top of the line black leather and I sank into them as we chilled and chatted in front of his giant hi-fidelity entertainment center. The kimono-lady brought us drinks and snacks and we talked about Dog Face. They new each other and seemed to have some sort of business dealings. He liked that I was a business minded kid and we talked about cool ideas. The place was filled with expensive stuff and other women kept milling around. It was a big condo with lots of rooms and a kind-of "party atmosphere". And a sweet smell always hung in the air, a combination of perfume, cologne, and incense. The kind of incense they burn at rock concerts, I thought. My eyes couldn't be more full and my mind was racing. What made this guy so popular and so rich? And what was that incense coming out from under his door every day? I assumed he bought that shit in bulk, little did I know.

Finally, we plowed through his wall of records and he introduced me to some Fat Boys, Whodinni, Midnight Star, and some UTFO/Full Force - Roxanne Shante. He was impressed that I liked Herbi Hancock because that was jazz music, and he didn't think kids liked that. He even hooked me up with a special price discount that he had at this record store on 1st Street. The owner always gave me that deal, no questions asked. Not only did we chill together to listen to records, but he gave me a few to take home which I would soak up fully in all my spare time. And he told me when I returned them he would loan me some more. All right, score! An invitation to go back and hang-out again! The entire time we chilled he took phone calls and handled his business. All in stride and with ease. No problem man. He made it look easy and he obviously enjoyed his work. But I just knew to never ask him about it. Never.

We stayed friends until we moved and he let me keep all of that vinyl as a gift. Mom kind of clued me in on what kind of "home business" he was running and asked me not to go over there any more. I did any way. His business seemed to have a nice corporate culture, nice benefits, and no visible violence. It was almost as if it was a good set up for the employees. A place to live and work from, protection, money management services, and party perks. I think it was one of those rare business models that benefited every one in the organization, in my young mind's view.

The Cadillac Pimp's business skills were mightier than his pimp hand. I am older now and looking back I have to laugh. Things are much clearer now with regards to Dog Face and CP and what they did for a living. But I still think fondly of those times. I didn't know exactly what they were doing, but I admired them because they were real life pirates living by their own code. Outside the norm, no suits, no ties. Renegades. Rogues.

jasonurbantribalism.org

Future Shock - 2010

Because in our fantastic, gigantic universe, human life-lessons seem insignificant and trivial by comparison. Yet in our inner personal world these things are as huge as a quasar. 2009 was a year jammed with lessons like the ones I have suggested above. Like a constant accumulation of heavy, fresh powder, they happened over the course of a year. I am writing this story on December 21, 2009 and it’s the longest night of the year. Talking with Shanni on the cell from Fernie, we remembered all of the stuff from this year. Some were awesome, some were cool, and some were …not so much. But we have a sort-of tradition of going over our past year every December. We landmark things, take stock of experiences and marvel at how much was learned, whether we liked it or not. Inventory time.

This year’s list was fantastically diverse and pivotal. As I clinked glasses with Gaston, Leeroy, and the Cyclone, a smile crossed my face. One more year on this planet checked off the list. 2010 is already exciting and in-the-works. Like the Satori Movement, currently calculating their fall 2010 line with some of my designs. Its important to look ahead, further down the path. Think big, roll the dice, and make that shit happen.

Humans have been constantly rubbing Aladdin’s lamp and smoke is finally emerging. 2012 is where humanity realizes their full potential and hopefully the world’s old ways and bad habits will die like a cosmic new year resolution.

Worm holes over Norway, magneto plasma propulsion, stem cell research, warping time and space with the hadron collider! Cmon its bananas but still no flying cars? Like it or not we are heading into an amazing time for human civilization. Our exponential technological advancements and possibilities in medicine and technology are rocketing into fruition. Its Future Shock, just like Alvin Toffler predicted in his book written in the fifties. Its almost like we don’t believe what’s happening right in front of our eyes, or perhaps its that we just can't personally fix it all on our own. Sustainability is our only fiduciary obligation to our earth and we are getting there. Dreams do come true and positivity is in the air. I think of my buddy Hans and his inspirational attitude in the face of crazy diversity, he still remains positive and won't lose heart. His philosophy is that if you stay ready for a few laughs, you're golden. Keep chasing your dreams, no matter what, you don't know how long you have. Approach the present wholeheartedly, just like Hans. Trial by fire is the way of the universe. If the right set of factors line up, there is a cause and effect. Action and reaction. Take action more, and worry less about reaction